CATS have the initial velocity to “push and shove” their way through the Blues who seem to lack any “fire in the belly”

HAWKS have the ‘whatever it takes’ attitude to ‘blow off’ any forward thrust by the Eagles

PORT possess the ‘driving power’ to ‘put the breaks on’ the “haven’t won for a while” Saints.

BULLDOGS collide with the Lions. Depends who brings enough Gumption and elbow grease to clean up

GWS will be blown asunder by the BOMBERS who will just “get up and go”

Suns to be clouted by the SWANS. If Suns are in front at the end of the 4th Qtr they are a chance to win.
But there is more chance the artic will freeze over than that happening soon.

FREEO are trying hard to maintain their Impetus, but so are the Crows. Bring a gun midfield or you will finish midfield

Kangaroos and TIGGERRRSSS. After last weeks calumny the Tigers need to show that they have “the right stuff”,
or any stuff or even that they give a stuff.

Demons and the PIES. The Dees are building up some good Momentum but the Pies have up a ‘full head of steam’ and will be hard to deflect.

EASY TIGER

Adelaide have no chance at all against COLLINGWOOD.
Loser. $120 Mill cut from the ABC ( Adelaide Boys Club )
Winner. A team of Lifters not Leaners and will soon be in surplus

Essendon play SYDNEY.
Loser. Medical Research gets a big budget boost. If only the Bombers had waited.
Winner. Budget approved a million $ to subsidise accommodation for budding ballerinas in Sydney.

TIGGERRRSSSS must win against their Demons
Winners. Tigillion $ to support infrastructural rebuilding for future success. No guarantees though
Losers. Tool payments for Apprentices have been re abolished.

KANGAS will not muck around with the Lions. Get it done and put em back on the plane
Winners. $19 Mill for the Good Sports Programme aimed at building a grass roots culture with a few beers
Losers. The sick are slugged again. 7 bucks for each goal aginst. Pay the receptionist on your way out.

Fremantle in an acrimonious re match with GEELONG
Loser. Ex Grand Final players lose their gold pass privileges. No more free rides
Winner. A big boost in port and road packages to help with travelling costs

Saints will be blown away by the GC SUNS.
Losers. Half a Bill for a new Ice Breaker and $9 Mill to establish an AFL team in Antarctica
Winners. 250 Mill for Chaplains at the club for spiritual guidance. That’s means praying for success

EASY TIGER

The commission of audit has put forward some new requirements in an effort to make a surplus. It only affects the young, the old, the sick and the infirm and long time fans

Swans and HAWKS. Combination of interchange, speed, income growth and new tech like ice packs, means that injured players will now have to pay a levy to see the club doctor.

PORT and Freeo. Defensive pressure to be reduced and replaced by improved aerial capability. A simpler structure focussed predominantly on contact management not project management per se.

Lions and BOMBERS the Retirement Age is to be lifted from 35 to 40 years. Bad luck Fletch. Players who cannot get a kick will be required to move to a club that offers more opportunities

Demons and BULLDOGS. The umpires will be provided with the capacity to vary the free kicks they impose as a means of injecting competition into the game. 50 metres is roughly between 25 and 75 metres

EAGLES and Giants The foreign aid programme will be cut as it lacks a clear overall strategy. This risks a scattered effort and makes an assessment of effectiveness difficult. Player’s under 21 will not be paid free kicks. They must learn or earn their precious possessions. We expect the Giants to be in surplus by 2018-19

Saints and BLUES. Carer Payments drastically reduced. Payment to the under employed create a disincentive to do the hard yard, providing possessions that would otherwise have to be earned through tackling the opposition deficit.

EASY TIGER

The COLLINGWOODS and the Bombers as per traditionality.
In theory this should be a pretty even and highly entertaining game.
In Practice the Pies best players will be on the field while some of the Bombers best players will be in the grandstand watching.

SAINTS play Lions. In theory on last weeks form the Saints are a shoe in.
In practice, it is in New Zealand so I dunno ??

FREEO in a toughie with the Kangas. Both teams have a 60% win loss record.
In theory Kangas beat Swans and Swans beat Freo, so Kangas should win this easily
In practice however the Freeo are very tough to beat at the Patterson.

SUNS to whoop the Giants ostensibly. In theory Suns preferred but are oscillating. WLWLW
In practice GWS have a much better percentage and have the forward power to kick a 100 points to win.

Carlton must run and gun against the EAGLES if they want to win.
In theory the team with best defence wins, in practice Blues concede 100 points every game so just attack.

Dees play the SWANS. In theory the Swans will win easily, but did get a flogging from GWS.
In practice the Deess are getting better under the ex swans coach and could surprise us.

Bulldogs and ADELAIDE. In theory the Crows easily even with their Dangerfield players down.
But in practice the Doggies have extra speed and may upset the cart apple.

TIGGEERRRSS to flog the Hawks but not by much.
In theory Hawks a dead cert, but in practice a hard game + a 6 day break + Tigers beat hawks last year ??

PORT may just beat the Cats. In theory the Cats are undefeated so are favoured to win.
But in practice a big win can be followed by a let down, and Port have an extra recovery time.
This is the game of the round.

EASY TIGER

Lions are soft, haven’t won a 4^th Qtr YTD and play a version of the mighty TIGGEERRRRSSSS.
The very disappointing and highly overrated Tigers have a FF with a worrying aversion to leather
a midfielder with an aversion to cuddles and the back line has developed an aversion to the tackle.
Tigers have won both of their last two 4^th QTR’s and will fall over the line, I hope

Pies have won only one last QTR, a worrying sign. KANGAS have won their last three fourth QTR’s.
Usually an impossibly tough task to beat the Pies at the Gee in heavy rain and against a howling wind.
But              “you’ve had the oysters son”.

Swans are soft, they’ won only one last Qtr so far. Instead of taking zinc tablets they tried the
expensive imported Franklin herbal remedy, but the side effect had players seeing stars instead of targets.
The last option is the needle. Nurse Ratched !  get me a syringe with 20ml of Tippett.  STAT
FREEO  won all four last Qrts. The well known and popular Ross strangle grip is used to tame the impulse.

Eagles in a hard fort one with PORT. Both teams are impressive winning 3 from four last Qrts.
but the Eagles are travel weary, so “not tonight Josephine”, and anyway Port will have a ring around it

BOMBERS have won two last QTR’s to the Saints just one final Qtr.
Bombers have turned healthy and stopped taking all their medications and are much harder for it.
Sainters.   try Kegel exercises, that should help a bit.

CROWS have won only one last Qrt, less than Great West Syd who have won two.
Despite this and against the odds I am going with the Crows, just because they are more experienced in these things.

Dees have won 2 of their last Qrt’s and surprise surprise so have the hot SUNS.
The Suns are harder because they have shed their inhibitions and are not scared to have a red hot go.

The Dees are just slowing it down, taking more time and having more touches. Some signs of improvement are appearing.

BULLDOGS .and Carlton. I am feeling some Schandenfeurde, and I don’t think that I am alone.
It turns out that angry Malty’s constant nagging about chores to his players is a big turn off.
Doggies are hot and have won two last Qrt’s compared to the Blues who one only one last Qrt.
Plus Doggies have youth on their side, and if you want to stay the distance that’s a huge advantage

Cats to re lose again to the HAWKS. but not buy too much. A special game this one.
Cats have won all 4 last QTR’s while the Hawks have won only three of theirs.
BUT.   If there is such a thing as being too hard for comfort, that’s the way the Hawks do it.

EASY TIGER

There are only two rules for winning. 1 sign some good players. 2 play them to their best.
Rule 1 is more important

TIGGEERRRSSSS must beat the Pies. Both teams have rule 1 but not rule 2
At one and three the losers chance of September will become dream time not real time.

BLUES take on the Dees. The two rules don’t apply here because both teams are embarrassing.

PORT and Lions. Rule 1 is more important. A clear choice even for a one eyed blind man.

GIANTS and the Bulldogs. gws have rule 1 potential, and rule 2 actual.

CATS to whoop the Eagles. Home ground, Rule 1, less injuries. Nuff said.

Suns be smashed by HAWKS. If you tip against Hawks this year, you don’t know your football

SWANS and Roos. If you are full of sckeptychism may I refer you to Rule 1.

SAINTS and Crows. Adelaide has the better players but Saints players are playing the better.
Note: Big Roo is on 10 goals 3 bums. A much better result than 013 (50g 36b). Rule 2 applies here.

From the look on their faces Friday night FREEO, on the Wong Baker pain index, are at 9 and climbing.
Bombers in good form will face an injury ravaged opposition, but pain is a great motivator. 1st Rule

– EASY TIGER

Some players get selected just because they are tall
Shorties are selected for their speed and skill with the ball

Old golf adage. Talls for show, Smalls for dough.

HAWKS to run over little Freo

Cyril Rioli 177cm 122 games 161 goals. Tother end Hayden Ballantyne 174 cm 88games 134 goals
A pair of goal kicking magicians. Last time they meet the ever humble Cyril was the better.

Bulldogs and TIGGEERRRSSSSS

Luke Dahlhaus 178cm 52 games 53 goals is no match for Jake the King at 178cm 106 games 78 goals
Jake has a much bigger on field presence and a larger effect on the overall game.

CROWS and Swans.

Longmire has not located the black box yet. But he will one day
Eddie pants Betts 173cm 186 games 296 goals or Ben McGlynn at 172cm 127 games 144 goals.
Big pants Bettsy will have less possessions but they will count for more at the final siren.

SUNS to stand over the Lions

Dion Prestia 175cm 53 games 13 goals or Dayne Zorko 174cm 40 games 43 goals.
Both these young guns are stars of the future. Dion gets my vote for his sheer speed.

EAGLE and Saints

Chris Masten 179cm 99 games 49 goals or little Adam Schneider 175cm 20 games 242 goals.
Chris is getting better with each game, whilst Schneids best games are behind him.

Pies and CATS

Ben Kennedy 175cm 13 games 9 goals has nothing on Matthew Stokes 175cm 157 games 193 goals.
Cannot see any way the Trainee Kennedy can match it with the Master Stokes

GWS and the less than mighty Dees

Devon Smith 174cm 40 games 32 goals will over shadow Shannon Byrnes 175cm 127 games 116 goals
Should be a fairly even tussle, but Deevo has more players in support

ROOS to topple Port

Brent Harvey 167cm 364 games 391 goals against Jarman Impey a lofty 178cm in his second game.
The veteran will surely blow away the young rookie who is wearing his red P plates.

BOMBERS and Blues

Leroy Jetta 177cm 91 games 77 goals Dylan Buckley 179cm 2 games for a solitary goal.
A bit of a mismatch this one and the Jets experience will tell in the last quarter.

– EASY TIGER
PS Bobby Skilton was only 171cm but won three Brownlows. (in the 19sixties)
PSS This edition has been fact checked by AB and Cb

 

TiGGGEERRRSSSSS to toughen it up in a “love you long time” rivalry with
the BLues the last of the lanthanides with no great qualities, or players

BomBers to try to outmuscle HAWTHoRN.
The light weight metal will be no match for a way stronger ball magnetism of the denser stuff.

SAINTS and the mighty GWS. Very tough cAll this game. Saints are soft but they won’t be rusty.
Giants vEry pleased the season was not besmirched by a 100 point loss in round one.

Port v CrOWS. Winner keeps the new sheep station. Po has lots of power but a short half-life.
Adelaide may have lost last week but they did looked highly polished.

FReO to switch their turbines on. Do the Suns havanychanceatall. a big No

SWANS and the semi precious Agpies
RuMour is Longmuire was happy at half time and then logged onto Facebook and when he came back to the real world it was too late.
ipads now locked away for the duration of the game.

Lions play the strong boned CaTS. Light weight battery power no chance against the real muscle drivers.

MelbourNe to shine some light on the EAGLES chanCes of polishing their act up.

Bulldogs Bracing for an all out assault by the disappointing KANGaS at Eddiehard.
Both have a low melting point and tend to be highly reactive

How many elements did you get?
– EASY TIGER

Opener upper.  The Pies in a bloody ripper with FREEEOOO

With Freos spirit raging for revenge,
With The Big Pav and his cronies come hot from hell,
Shall in this arena with the voice of vengeance
Cry “Havoc!” and let slip the dogs of war,

Giants whipped by Big City Cousins. Miserable GWS have no other medicine but only hope

Big Money Pants Buddy to put up or ?!?. You pay a great deal too dear for what’s given freely

The Suns to be Novaed by the TIGER TIGER burning bright.

Doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love the Tigers

Dusty Martin on a much touted 1st gamer Jacky Martin. Are you ceryius itsa No brainer

CARLTON at home to PortA. Can one desire too much of a good thing?  eg DaleThomas??

Malty thinks it’s in the bag, but he’s bean an unreliable witness in the past. So its iffy whiffy

CATS at home should beat the Crows with a bit of Hard Yakka.

But then again     Q the Dean Bailey factor          Beware the ides of March someone said

ROOS has a lean and hungry look

and with reasonable dumb luck and will bring down

the “True is it that we have seen better days” Bombers.

HAWKS will decimate the undermanned Lions without raising a mild sweat.

Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.”

Twill be a long long hard hard season for the Lepster and lions fans

Saints are in tatters, I give the DEMONS a big show with Who Roos in charge.

That it should come to this      ‘T’is neither here nor there

EAGLES heavy with expectation will be street too strong for Doggies. “what’s done is done”

Though this be madness, yet there is method in ‘t.”

– Easy Tiger