We don’t have a great record against the Dogs. We beat them last year which impressed me, but lost in 2017 and 2019.  They are one of several teams whom we often struggle against, even when we are travelling a lot better than they are.  Right now they are on six wins and on top of the ladder.  We have won three and lost three and you could say that our season hangs in the balance.  That might be a slight exaggeration, but you could still say it and plenty of pundits are.

I can’t get a ticket without paying a lot for an average seat and so I don’t go and I don’t feel bad about that. And with the children out doing their own thing it’s just my partner and me at home.  She suggests In the Line of Duty and I think that sounds good.  I’ll tape the footy and if we get smashed I won’t even have to watch it.

First Quarter

In any case, I get to see the first quarter before she gets home and it doesn’t look great.  In fact, it looks a like our game against Melbourne – long stretches of fruitless Richmond dominance, good opportunities wasted, followed by bursts of counter-attack from the Dogs where they kick a goal.  If it keeps going like this we’ll get “dashed” as my daughter once put it.

The Tigers begin well, winning the first clearance and getting the ball in quickly to Riewoldt who takes a good mark, turns and kicks it into Lynch who gets hands to it but can’t take the grab.  Broad and others defend well against the fist Doggies attack and after three minutes Lynch marks Short’s thoughtful kick deep in the pocket.  He kicks a good point on the near side.

Collier-Dawkins wins a free, his first kick in AFL, on the forward flank.  He sends it in quite quickly but we can’t take a grab.  Baker is already very busy on the forward line.  Riewoldt flies but can’t hold it, Eastern-Wood has the ball forever and loses it in the tackle but there’s no free.  The Dogs rebound and Scott snaps and goals from a tight angle.  It’s 1.1 to our single point, after five minutes of Richmond domination.

Lynch marks 80m out and kicks it to a Bulldog.  But he keeps trying, takes another very good mark and passes Collier-Dawkins 48m out.  The young feller dishes off to Short who kicks long and misses.  He should have let the young feller do that by himself.

Nankervis makes a huge tackle on Bailey Dale.  No doubt about the Tigers’ intent, but can they bring their skill? Lynch marks and misses from 50 out on a 45 angle.

Balta kicks a bomb into Lynch who marks beautifully for the fifth time and misses from 25 metres.

Mitch Hannan misses a shot that’s almost as easy which must make Lynch feel better.  Broad is playing very well again and clears the ball well from deep in the back line.  

Bruce marks strongly and goals and it’s 2.3 to 0.4.  Naughton marks with nobody near him and the Dogs have three and we don’t have any.  The Dogs’ handballs are lightning fast and for all our effort their rebounds are slick and damaging.  Our defence is starting to crack too and Grimes’ clearing kick goes straight to Bruce who fires it back quickly.  The moment is saved with good defending from Mansell or Collier-Dawkins, I can’t tell which, and a fairly blatant rushed behind from Grimes who gets away with it.

Lynch is having a terrible night.  Well, not quite as bad as against Melbourne where he seemed to go missing, but he can’t hit the side of large house with the footy.

But for all his woes he doesn’t give up.  He marks Bolton’s kick on the edge of the goal-square and after a series of elaborate hand-signals that would have been visible from low-Earth orbit he dishes off a handball rather than take the set shot.   Aarts receives it and is nearly taken down by two Doggie’s defenders.  But he still kicks the goal and all is not lost.

Lynch has taken seven marks and kicked three points.

Quarter-time score:  Richmond 1.4 to Bulldogs 3.6

At this time we begin watching In the Line of Duty and I feel good about the decision. Why inflict misery upon yourself?  We watch three episodes and by the time I switch back to the footy the song is being sung and the smiling captain is being interviewed.  Luckily, I have set the tape and I make it a late night by going back to the second quarter and watching through to the end.

Second Quarter

The quarter starts badly when Bailey Smith takes a brave mark from McIntosh’s hurried kick and goals from 50.  We are 20 points down.  Riewoldt takes a soaring mark 60 out and kicks in quickly to Lynch who can’t mark.  The Doggie’s clear it again.  Toby takes a strong pack mark, on the half-back flank, kicks it to Shedda who kicks to Bolton who goes on a little run, gets around an opponent and fires in a perfect pass to Aarts 25 out who misses.

We’re not playing badly though.  Balta takes a great intercept mark and we move the ball well upfield, Lynch kicks perfectly to Riewoldt whose kick is disappointing.  Bolton is grabbed without the footy and seconds later doesn’t quite hold the mark of the year.  There is quite a period of Tiger domination but no goals to show for it. Pickett has a good chance and misses.  The Dogs rebound in seconds and Naughton marks and goals and we’re 25 points down.

Rioli handpasses to Lynch who misses and we’re 1.7 to 5.7.  At least we’ve caught up on the behinds.

Lynch kicks another point.  With a minute and a half left we finally kick a goal. Cotch takes a brave mark going back with the flight, he passes to Graham who scoops it up, runs in and kicks to the square.  Bolton roves the crumb and bangs it through from two metres out and we can all breath again.  It’s 2.8 to 5.8 – our second goal in almost a half of footy.

With 20 seconds left Bontempelli wins a free for falling over and misses from 20 out.

Half-time score: Richmond 2.8 to Bulldogs 5.9

Third Quarter

Balta thwarts another Dog attack. He is having a very good game, as is Baker who seems to be in everything.   He goes for a beautiful run at half-forward and sends it to Riewoldt laces out who marks and goals from about 45.  This move began with Bolton who found Baker with precision and vision.

With about five minutes gone Treloar kicks high and not terribly long out of defence.  McIntosh marks with courage and gives it to Baker who takes his time and kicks long, low and straight to Lynch who marks right in front, five metres out.  Bakers’ poise and pass were perfect and Lynch goals at last and we’re right back in it.  Who ever doubted that we could be?  It’s 4.8 to 5.9.

Baker tackles Keath and brings him to earth but BT calls this as “Baker is run over by Keath.” In the words of Chris Rees, this man oozes misinformation.  The fact that Keath is clearly taller and heavier than Baker might also be worthy of comment.

Graham roves the subsequent ball-up, snaps and goals and we’re only a point behind.  The ball has scarcely been out of our forward line for five minutes.

Bolton kicks a point from long range and scores are level.  Baker is tackling everyone, the bigger they are the harder he tackles.  The Dogs go for 20 minutes without a possession forward of the centre.  Houli wins a lucky free for high contact and kicks it long to Lynch who marks 25 out.  He goes back and kicks it and we’re in front and Lynch’s kicking problems are behind him.  It’s all happened very quickly and there are still 11 minutes left in the quarter.

With six minutes left the inside-50s are 16 to zero for the quarter and we’re seven points up.  Shortly after that the Dogs get forward which is disappointing but was bound to happen.  Naughton marks and goals and we’re only a point in front.  

With three and a half left Lynch marks and goals from 45 out on a 45 angle and he’s got three for the quarter.

The Doggies attack and very nearly goal but some desperate, and, by the commentators, completely un-remarked defence, turns it into a point. The little things that these well-paid footy watchers miss is astounding.

The siren sounds as Collier-Dawkins is running towards the 50 with the ball in his hands.

Three-quarter-time score:  Richmond 7.10 to the Bulldogs 6.10

Final Quarter

For about five minutes there are a few points but no goals and the Tigers hold onto their one-goal lead.  The umpiring isn’t bad, but it does seem a bit lax.  You know this is true when you start saying out loud “That should have been a Bulldogs free kick for high contact”.  I find myself saying this quite a lot, but this is easier to say when the result is known.

After five and a half minutes Richmond find space on the wing, Ross sends a long bomb into the square, Baker pounces on the crumb and goals from five yards out and we’re two goals up.  The kick from Ross was a sixty-metre monster, sent in quickly and bound to trouble the defence.

Bontempelli marks on a tight angle after the ball seems to have gone out of bounds.  He passes to Shache who goals from right in front and we’re back to a one-goal lead with 12 minutes left.

With the ball on our half-forward flank the Dogs look set to break away after a chain of quick handballs until Baker lays a huge tackle on Lapinksi and throws him out of bounds.  Baker is one of the smallest players in the AFL, so unless he’s tackling Caleb Daniel, he’s always taking on someone bigger.  This impresses me but the Seven commentators are unmoved.

Lipinski has a chance to level the scores, runs in and hits the post.  Tigers by five points.

Richmond attack and Castagna passes to Houli who marks 45 out, takes a few breaths, walks in and goals from the 50 as the Dogs kindly had nobody on the goal-line.  The ball went over the pack and bounced across. Thank you Doggies.  It’s Houli’s first goal for two years.

There are seven minutes left and we’re 11 points up.

With five minutes left Bolton nearly pulls down mark of the year, again, this time with one hand.  From the boundary throw-in Lynch grabs the footy, handballs to Bolton who dances through traffic and goals and we’re 17 points up.

The dogs have a chance to pull one back when Naughton marks on a strong lead but from 40 out he wins Worst Kick of the Past Ten Years Award and the Tigers clear the footy.

Cotch goes off and puts the trackie top on and Naish gets a run for the last few minutes.  Going by their thick, dark hair this is what’s known as a “like-for-like” substitution.  It’s a good sub too.  Naish chases Hunter who has taken two bounces and is then tackled just as he gets a handball away.  The tackle means the ball doesn’t go where it’s meant to and Richmond win the footy back.  It goes to Naish who passes to Bolton who marks directly in front.

Naish is hugged by his team-mates for his never-give-up effort.  Bolton goals and the game is over, we’re 22 points up with 90 seconds left.

Final Score: Richmond 11.11.77 to the Bulldogs 7.13.55

It’s been a huge second half.  Our best players have been, well, the whole team really.  But the standouts for me are Bolton, Balta, Broad and Baker, mainly for alliterative purposes.  Also really good are Cotchin, Houli, Grimes, Graham, Astbury, Ross…it really was the whole team who lifted.  As usual I forgot Toby.  He was magnificent.  And the fact that it is always very hard to pick our best few players is something I love dearly about our Tigers.

Anzac Eve, 24 April 2021

I haven’t been to the footy since we flogged the Giants in the Grand Final in 2019.  Mum was still alive then and we chatted on the phone in the long hours before the first bounce and she left me a voicemail at the end of the game saying she thought we’d played pretty well.  She didn’t have her own team but liked her children’s teams to win.  I still have that voicemail on my phone.

The build-up is good, the minute’s silence, the Last Post.  The silence in particular is really good, we need more moments like that.  As the solemnities end and the loud, crappy music fills the void I realise that I’ve forgotten to set the tape.  So my notes will have to be good.

The loud music reminds me of something that I felt a lot of last year – relief.  I didn’t have to think about going or not going to the footy.  I didn’t have to endure this crap at the game I love.  Still, there was a downside to the global pandemic and I mustn’t forget that.

The game starts well for us.  Melbourne’s first attack goes out on the full.  Richmond rebound and Shedda kicks a point.  Petracca tackles Dusty and pushes him out of bounds and wins a free.  Then we get another point before Riewoldt soccers a brilliant goal. Toby wins a free for deliberate out of bounds and his kick manages to hit both goal posts but only one behind is registered.  This seems unfair, although no doubt within the letter of the rules.

Riewoldt gets another and we’re looking all right.  Cotchin sets up Graham for a likely goal but his kick falls short.  Salem gets a point for the Dees, then they get another one and then a goal which is followed by an embarrassing light show, the whole stadium bathed in red and blue.  Wow, I’m so impressed.  This would make me come to the footy again.  I feel in my bones that at the next RFC home game I go to I’ll have to suffer through the same thing, but worse, as it will be our club shaming itself in lights.

Shedda, who is playing well, bravely marks a clearing kick and goals from 30 out.  But Melbourne are looking better and their Pickett kicks well to Fritsch who marks and goals.  The light show again makes me long for lock-down.  The quarter ends and the spruiker reminds us that we’re at the footy, tells us which teams are playing and what the score is.  I’m so grateful to him.  Contested possessions are 39 each.

Quarter time score:  Melbourne 2.2 to Richmond 3.3

Although we’ve paid $45 each to sit in the top deck of the Olympic Stands – not bad seats at all, really, but 20 rows from the front – the bays either side of the Richmond Cheer Squad at the City End are almost empty.  I do not understand the AFL at all.

The scoreboard tells me that Short has had 8 touches and I’ve barely noticed him.  That says more about me than him.  But it’s a big ground with a big cast and it’s easy to miss things.

There is light rain at the break and we’re glad we’re under cover.  The game restarts and Lambert misses with a set shot.  Bolton seems to be very busy and our Pickett misses from 48.  We are attacking a lot but can’t kick a goal. Short concedes a deliberate out-of-bounds from a good way out and Neale-Bullen kicks a very good goal.  The quarter is half-gone and we lead by a point.  Tom McDonald takes a strong mark and goals from 45 out on a tight angle and the Dees are in front.

Shedda misses from 40 after taking a mark and McDonald kicks another and the Dees are up by 11.  They are using the ball better than us and their attacking moves are holding together while ours come unstuck.  The Dees get another, making it five in a row and they lead by 17. Dusty has been very quiet and so are our supporters.

Half-time score:  Melbourne 6.6.42 to Richmond 3.7.25

Early in the third Melbourne attack and an outnumbered Pickett almost pulls off a miraculous spoil.  But he doesn’t and we’re 23 down.  And then five goals down and I’m comparing us to Adelaide in the third quarter in the 2017 Grand Final.  We just don’t know what to do.  Nothing we try to do seems to work and Melbourne have the ball on a string.

After 14 minutes Shedda kicks our first goal in about an hour of footy.  Our last five minutes have been good.  Our pressure has lifted and we could still do this. But we need another one or two before the last break.

Melbourne attack again. Pickett is again outnumbered and again nearly manages to pull off a great spoil but he gets Neal-Bullen high who goals from close range and we’re five goals down again.  We respond well with one of our best moves of the night.  Graham kicks into the 50, Toby handpasses to Aarts who goals.

But the Dees have all the answers and Tom McDonald marks almost on the goal line and it’s 30 points once more.  They’ve matched our pressure and are killing us in execution.  Well, of course they are.

Broad, who is playing well, kicks into the 50 and Shai takes a great mark and kicks a point from 30 out.  It’s not our night.

Three-quarter time score:  Melbourne 10.8 to Richmond 5.8

I don’t think we can win from here but we could at least make it hard for them.  My great wish is that the Dees don’t just walk away with it.

My wish is granted, more or less.  We lose by 34 points, meaning the last quarter was close, at least.  We kick 1.4 to 2.2 for the quarter.  Petracca seals the win in the first minute putting us six goals down. People are talking about him being the next Dusty and tonight he is.  Our Dusty has not been seen since the main break and we have to assume he is injured. But the scoreboard and our phones tell us nothing.

Aarts takes a good mark from Cotchin’s kick but misses from 25 metres.  Broad and Baker continue to play well.  Lynch kicks out on the full.  He’s had a bad night, but he’s not alone.  I’m beginning to worry that we’ll lose by a lot.  Their Pickett kicks a point and we rebound and Lynch kicks a point.  Finally Shai gets one after Lynch passes to him.  We’re down 29 points and 13 minutes have gone.  In the wet that is a mountain to climb.

Bolton takes another mark and kicks a point from 25 out on a tight angle.  As seems to happen when we lose to Melbourne on Anzac Eve, there is an altercation on the Melbourne forward line which leads to a down-field free to their Pickett who goals from 25 out.  The Dees supporters go nuts and there’s a second free, of course, before the ball is bounced.  Luckily Oliver misses this one from 30 out.

I just want us to kick one goal so that we win the quarter but we don’t get it.  Bolton has a chance but misses the lot.  At last the siren goes and we’ve only lost by 34 points.  And it’s only Melbourne, which doesn’t hurt half so much as losing to Collingwood and it’s only April, it’s not like a prelim final.

Final score:  Melbourne 12.10.82 to Richmond 6.12.48

Still, it hurts.  We’re mortal after all.  Dusty had been written up in The Age this very morning for his indestructability.  He’s barely been injured in a dozen seasons.  But he’s injured now all right.

Not time to panic though.  We lost to Geelong by 12 goals in the middle of 2019 and looked like a non-finals team.

Best players for us had names starting with B – Baker, Broad, Bolton. Also Short might have played well but I kept not noticing him.  Toby played well too, although from our high seats I may have mixed him up sometimes with Balta.  Between them they played all right. Shedda too, he kept us in it for a good while.

Easy game against the Dogs this Friday night.

On Sunday night I drop my phone in the water while doing the dishes and listening to a podcast about the AIDS Angel of Arkansas.

For a regular night game, half time is a bit of toast, maybe bring in a couple of logs for the fire, and possibly switch from beer to coffee. We did the kick-to-kick in the early evening pre-game, so instead we had the saveloys that we didn’t really want, because dinner was only an hour ago. The TV tells us that Danger’s gone to full forward and Dusty to half forward. We resume down 20-35, having been “flogged with a warm lettuce” in the 2nd quarter by a dominant but inaccurate Geelong.

The first minutes after the restart were all down our end. It was a perfect start, with the same move-it-on attitude we showed at the beginning of the game. Prestia just swinging a boot at a loose ball a couple of times, it came to O’Connor who is ragdolled in massive tackle from Pickett who can’t believe its play on. Sheds stood in a tackle and got it to Cotch who was 97% gone when he got a knuckle on it to Graham; Graham swept it out wide to Dusty and his first kick of the half was perfection. Jack had position, Henderson got over his shoulder and conceded a free that Jack iced with no fuss. 26-35.

Next Dusty placed another kick into 50 perfectly and this time Graham was caught high by Blicavs. His shot at goal is utter pants, but that’s 11 inside 50s in a row to the reigning premiers and hope is starting to put in an appearance. Immediately Kolodjashnij clearing out of defence kicks it straight to Lambert, who squares it to Jason “0.5” Castagna.

Even before his shot there was a real sense of Richmond now being in the driver’s seat of the ute and Geelong just running alongside in cheap thongs trying to get close enough to jump into the tray. Castagna’s kick is very strange and the three Geelong players on the line all fail to stop it. 32-35.

Miers gets on the end of a very sharp handball chain orchestrated by the man @AFLItalia (probably) calls Il Piccolo Maestro. He goals to recover a tiny bit of personal respect and stop the rampant Tiger roll. 32 – 41.

Geelong now slowed the game right down. After a few minutes of this Brian said “Geelong… taking a little bit of milk out of… the Tigers”. Halfway through he wanted to back out of it, but couldn’t work out how.

An insane series of events led to a Lambert goal. A beautiful Short kick was fumbled by Sheds as he was 15m out right in front. George chased the loose ball and was held without it, no free. Bews tried to “play out from the back” Manchester City-style and his short kick was thrillingly marked on the boundary by Shai Bolton who came from nowhere over Menegola. Shai bounced up and kicked dangerously to Lambert on a better angle, but it came off. After taking the slips catch, Kane converted nervelessly. 39-42

Tuohy kicking out of defence was pushed off-balance by Dusty, and the ball landed amongst Tigers. It came back via a long Short kick and Dusty beat Tuohy to the high loose ball, then just turned and paffed it through on the bounce off the outside of his right boot from 30 metres out. 2 goals to Dusty, Tigers in front in the 2020 Grand Final, and Dusty loves it. 45-42.

This was a great moment; a surgically precise intervention by Jack’s toes between Selwood’s hand and boot.

Lynch finally gets a clean touch – to be fair on watching the replay he has been using his body, scrabbling defensively, he’s been working hard. Guthrie took a screamer over Nank. Il Piccolo Maestro hits Hawkins with a great kick; but Hawkins rushes his shot and misses. Geelong are still trying to clamber onto the ute but they’ve just lost one thong. In one minute Pickett outplayed Danger, and Grimes outplayed Ablett, who by now was carrying on like the Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

A Dusty Martin blast kick into acres of space bounced awkwardly and Blicavs approached it like a bomb disposal novice.

Together Blicavs and Henry cocked it up under pressure exerted by Rioli and Graham.

Geelong were playing scared. The ball came via Lambert to Sheds, who ran towards an open goal and kicked a point – unmarked Jack Riewoldt took it pretty well considering. 46-44.

The last action of the term saw Geelong streaming in numbers towards goal as last man Grimes made a crucial save.

SO crucial. A Geelong goal following Sheds’ miss could have flipped the momentum back the other way. As it was, we came to the huddle leading 46-44, having kicked four goals to one in the quarter, and with many familiar signs of the brittle Geelong we’ve come to know and love.

It’s a different game with different rules. After the first bounce the ball is hoofed off the ground, out of the air, it’s like the players are big birds with no hands. Cotch soccers it, Shai soccers it. Selwood picks it up with his human hands and kicks it OOF. Kamdyn gives it a huge whack along the ground and Sheds soccers it. As it goes out again Baker delivers a big bump to Dangerfield, and it’s dripping with contempt.

Another big defensive hoof off the ground by Balta. Shai is such a smart player. Look at how he uses his body and O’Connor’s momentum without pushing him. He just ushers him onto the ground, and although he goes to ground himself he is up literally in a blink.

At 3 mins in Vlastuin and Ablett are injured within seconds of each other. Vlossy and Dangerfield converge on a ball, Dangerfield gets there first and punches it away. He has time to bend his arm to meet Vlossy’s head with his forearm. My gut feeling at the time was that it was instinctual to protect himself. I don’t like Dangerfield and could easily convince myself it was deliberate but in Grand Finals, that matters little. Nick was out before he hit the turf and gone for the day.

Ablett hurts his dicky shoulder when tackled four seconds later by Cotchin. He went and had an injection and came back out, but it limited his output. He’s an old bloke who’s had surgery. That’s footy. We lost a key foundational player and they lost 30% of an old stager. So much has happened already and its still 0-0.

Dusty sweeps a big handpass backwards to Cotch among Cats, putting him under pressure but then helps tidy up. Short take a 2 bounce run. He and Baker are making lots of ground off half back. Nank is dominating.

We bomb it into 50, Henderson misses the ball with a fist and it would have been a stone cold goal to Sheds except he fumbled [inconceivable] then gets taken out below the knees by Stewart.

Shai’s hands are clean and his mind is clear. Look at this pick up. He has Dusty as an option but chooses George. Tuohy’s is an uphill battle.

Sam Menegola is the architect of Geelong’s first forward move after 10 minutes, leading to a Hawkins behind. Tiges still looking good. Graham is pinged for in the back on Danger, on 50. He kicks badly, its 0-2. Ablett appears on the boundary, crowd gets worked up.

Prestia nails the first goal. Menegola dumps it straight to Short, who sends it back into 50, Bolton is the tall timber who brings it to ground where Sheds actually controls with his calf then soccers it to Rioli, who hands to Graham, who hands to Dion, two white flags.  6–2.

30 seconds later Dusty gets it on centre wing, turns inside and squares it to the corridor to Baker. He dishes a little handpass to the galloping Kamdyn who runs inside to 48 and always kicks these. 12-2.

Dangerfield takes on Shai and Dion and loses it, Martin hooks it to the goal line. We are dominating with 6 mins to QT. Lost of good ‘fragile Geelong’ signs. Broad is heading off-field with trainers. “Broad – appears to be not making much sense” – says Brian Taylor. All over the nation and beyond people mutter to their televisions ha – you’d know all about that BT.

With two key backs missing some gaps are appearing. Parfitt and Guthrie in turn take easy marks in space, and Guthrie goals. 13-8. I rate Guthrie. Ablett is tackling gingerly. Parfitt has been off and come back with a strapped thumb – it’s broken we later learn. The ball passes Ablett and he gives it a little poke, not keen to take possession.

Duncan with the ball in the forward pocket tried to do the Mexican Hat Dance to lose Dusty but his great defensive pressure rendered the kick harmless. Then another Duncan kick is OOF. Duncan is very tonguey. Edwards lays on a perfect kick for Bolton to run onto but Stewart got a hand to it. He’s sweeping very well.

Intruders on the ground. After they’re secured a spare security man runs across the ground back to his station BT: “oh it’s ANOTHER one”. Disinformation flows from this man. Ablett was clearly feeling his shoulder while BT talked about a leg injury.

BT and Bruce did not notice this but it seems neither did most people: Houli backheel straight to Cotchin from Ablett’s soccer. So deft.

Later we learned Bachar tore a calf muscle in the early minutes. It’s likely that this move was a response to feeling restricted in his ability to change direction or bend down.

Cotch kicks straight to Stanley. Stanley to Menegola and he has a choice of two as Duncan and Bews have just wandered forward. Pickett and Broad at fault. 43 seconds left. Goal to Duncan with 8 sec left. Super slow-mo tongue action, no-one needs to see that. It’s 2.2.13–to 2.2.14 at quarter time. The Gabba fills with pop music and suddenly the footballers sprint is happening. Geelong wins it.

On Friday evening before the game I sent a text to Joe in Launceston, a lifelong Tiger.

At 7.22pm he called. He was not in Launceston. He was not near a TV. He was walking the Overland Track, and had just arrived at Narcissus Hut after a big day walking 28km, with a 20kg pack. He had one bar on his phone, battery nearly flat. I said I’d send him score updates.

Holy hell, what a game! The pressure was insane. It was raining, the ball was soap, and each player receiving it was just intent on moving it on asap. The ball was booted off the ground and out of midair countless times, but there were also incredible contortions to get the ball from hand to foot before the inevitable tackle.

The best thing I’ve read about the game (and probably the best short footy piece of the year) is this; Nankervis by Matt Zurbo. Go and read it, I’ll wait here.

Port were on top early but their entries inside 50 were terrible. They had a clear chance with Marshall galloping free and he kicked out on the full. I haven’t seen a lot of this kid but I marked him as a weak link. Grimes seemed to have his measure. Tiges didnt make a scoring chance until 8 mins in when Lambert stripped Mackenzie of the ball but he dribbled a point. There was no actual Port pressure on him at the time (from my vantage point on the couch 885 nautical miles away) but I know the air around him was just pinging with perceived pressure.

Grimes was copped high and with his free kick chose to slow things down, take a really good look and send a considered long ball to the top of the square. Jack brought it to ground, Dusty roved it at top speed and hooked it back on his right for the game’s first goal. Jack has started really well. Duursma is one of Port’s young stars and Jack ran through him in the centre. Soon after Jack was smacked across the chops by Jonas and put the resulting free kick through for a goal. We were using our chances better than Port.

Then Marshall set up a goal for Rozee. OK maybe I was wrong about him. Robbie Gray, one of the most balanced modern players you’ll see, gathered with one hand as he wheeled around with his back to goal, and with great vision hit up Duursma. The kid’s a very good player but his archer stuff is dumb. Sort of masturbatory. You can image he’d feel at home at Narcissus Hut.

He ran 50 metres to have a yap at Lynch afterwards. Port ahead 2.3.15 to 2.1.13 at quarter time. Best sight of the first quarter was Balta galloping out of the backline – he’s blanketed Dixon.

Rozee kicked a goal from the Eddie pocket. Burne Jones is on Martin and like most humans, has no hope. We are a goal down but I feel we are winning the 50/50s down low and we are dominant in the air. It’s going to turn. Nank kicks to Shai in space, but his set kick doesn’t make the distance. BT does his nana about Shai turning his back to goal, but I reckon he was looking for a runner to dish it off to.

Next minute Shai runs down Lycett for holding the ball and just picks it up and skips away from him.

Burne Jones tried some kind of body stuff on Martin and missed him entirely, leaving him in space to mark and goal. It’s 21-21 now and the score doesn’t move for a long, LONG time. I suddenly remembered I had to text Joe.

We are getting an OK run with the umpires – they are giving deliberate OOBs all over the place but its consistent. Pickett is working into the game after a dud first quarter. I feel like every Tiger has had vital moments.

Duursma dropped a chest mark. Rioli tries to just bowl the ball between his legs to escape a tackle. Balta gets away with a big shove on Dixon. Graham goes off sore. Powell-Pepper is trying to crash through packs and its not working.  A promising move forward goes to Prestia and he puts it OOF.

Half time score 3.3.21 apiece.

For the rest of the game I had Joe in the wilderness hanging on my texts. It really added something extra to a game that was already totally engrossing.

After a lovely clean move Bolton out it across the face for a behind. Lynch outmarked two to put us in front. Houli is in everything, a low-to-the-ground ball-promoting machine. I don’t know about stats but Nank is the dominant ruckman on the ground. He’s the greatest tackling ruckman the game has seen. He pings Gray. Baker has quelled Rozee.

Suddenly Lycett is galloping free. Motlop finds him and he goals from the set shot. Port are getting some rough decisions and the home crowd are baying for blood.

Joe is on the verandah now trying to get reception. It is -7°C.

I’m just going to tell the rest of the game in our texts. I am yet to rewatch the last quarter but this is how I saw it.

In these last minutes Nank took two crucial marks in defence. He ended up with ten tackles.

Port Adelaide 2.3(15) 3.3(21) 4.4(28) 6.4(40)
Richmond 2.1(13) 3.3(21) 4.6(30) 6.10(46)

The Benny

5: Nankervis – “Nothing flash, just effort down low. Pushing, shoving, tackling, clearing paths, getting it, giving small handballs. Work.” – Matt Zurbo
4: Martin was unstoppable. He is unstoppable.
3: Balta beat Dixon. Played on the edge but huge contribution.
2: Lynch worked so hard all night.
1: Lambert’s two quick goals finally put our slight edge up in black and white on the scoreboard.

Leaderboard
36: Martin
26: Bolton
20: Short
18: Grimes, Vlastuin, Graham
17: Balta
15: Cotchin
13: Lambert
12: McIntosh
10: Riewoldt, Baker, Edwards
9: McIntosh, Prestia
8: Houli
7: Pickett
6: Soldo, Lynch
5: Higgins, Eggmolesse-Smith, Chol, Nankervis
4: Caddy
2: Aarts
1: Castagna, Astbury

Maurice Rioli Grip of Death Trophy for Tackles
Graham 67
Lambert, Pickett 64
Rioli 53
Cotchin 51
Bolton 47

Confidence for this game was pretty solid. We were OK without being quite good enough against Brisbane. Tom Lynch was available after a spell to get his sore hamstring completely right. His absence contributed to last week’s loss, but would that call ultimately pay off? Dimma decided to put his faith in the “Nank & Friends” approach in the ruck, so Mabior Chol made way for Lynch. Unlucky Jake Aarts was dropped to bring back dual premiership defender Nathan Broad. The Saints had 3 forced changes, with Ryder injured, Carlisle on baby watch and Ben Long suspended.

Lynch was on the board immediately, after outmarking his shadow for the day Dougal Howard. A few minutes later Sheds crumbed a huge leap from Jack in the pack and dribbled one through from straight in front. Modern players practice this incessantly, that’s why they’re so good at it. Why do they not practice drop punts incessantly? Good question, Virginia.

Shane Savage, who played at Hawthorn in the 1970s, kicked an absolute monster from the NSW border to get the Saints away.

Shai Bolton replied with two goals in a minute that were audacious and ridiculous. He followed a sort of bumblebee path with Sinclair on his heels clutching the air. It ended with Shai running outside 50 then launching a kick over the crowded forward line. It bounced 15 out and rolled through.

From the bounce we pumped it long once more and Shai roved to Nank, ran juggling the ball into a pack of Saints, and without ever really controlling it, tapped it towards his swinging boot, to goal from 30 metres out.

Dan Butler has excelled at his new club this year and it was a spicy moment when he ran down Cotch in the centre for HTB. He then goaled on/after the siren to give St Kilda a smidgen of hope after a tough quarter. Richmond led 5.1.31 to 2.2.14.

The second was maybe more even but St Kilda were wasteful. Billings, Marsh and King blew gettable chances. Cotch ripped Zak Jones’ head clean off, in a classic example of his literally careless style in finals. Will kill for Richmond, this guy. They re-attached Jones head but he didn’t contribute a great deal thereafter. Again (if we win) the next few days will be full of speculation whether Trent will miss a final.

Sheds kicked a beauty over his shoulder before Clark answered from tight on the boundary. Dan and Lynch added goals so we went in at half time on a very accurate 9.1.55 to 3.6.24. In 2020 footy that’s close to a decisive lead.

The 3rd term however was all Saints. Cartoon-baddie Tom Lynch reappeared, sitting on a bemused Howard’s head then dropping a knee gently on his shoulder and giving away 50 metres – and bringing more tribunal speculation. Quite harmless but dumb and unnecessary.

For all their chances this quarter the Saints didn’t hurt us, through a combination of our pressure and plain bad luck. Our one goal for the term came after Sheds shot this pass to Prestia who goaled. Look at this wonderful player’s composure in the moment – about to be hit hard but his eyes are only on Dion.

A much better effort from the Saints that term, finishing off with a goal to Kent after a duff kick from Bachar and great twinkletoes from Dan Butler. But they’re still 23 points in arrears at the last break.

Well, now it’s interesting. Hunter Clark is quite a player, he sold a dummy to Bachar, ran on and set up a goal for Seb Ross. Margin 17 and momentum with the Saints. Somewhere in their mansions Eric Bana, Shane Warne and Lazar Vidovic are sitting bolt upright. Their boys have 17 scoring shots to 14 and maybe if they can just hit some targets they can do this.

But it just didn’t happen. Richmond are a hardened finals unit and there are children at kindergarten now who have never known them to lose from here. We ‘raised the fight’ and overwhelmed their moves forward with mad pressure.

Sheds spotted up George for our 11th goal, Dusty hoisted another, and we were home by 31 points.

We can say the gamble of resting Lynch has at least broke even. Nank was fantastic with help from Astbury and Balta. Faith in Dimma is strong.

RICHMOND   5.1       9.1       10.4     12.8 (80)
ST KILDA       2.2       3.6       5.11     6.13 (49)

The Benny

5: Edwards – sublime to watch
4: Bolton – his goals set us on the path to a prelim
3: Houli – 32 touches
2: Martin – Did Martin things
1: Lynch – Richmond aren’t themselves without him now
Honourable mention to Dan Butler who would have got votes if opposition players were eligible for the Benny.

Leaderboard
32: Martin
26: Bolton
20: Short
18: Grimes, Vlastuin, Graham
15: Cotchin
14: Balta
12: McIntosh, Lambert
10: Riewoldt, Baker, Edwards
9: McIntosh, Prestia
8: Houli
7: Pickett
6: Soldo
5: Higgins, Eggmolesse-Smith, Chol
4: Caddy, Lynch
2: Aarts
1: Castagna, Astbury

Maurice Rioli Grip of Death Trophy for Tackles
Graham 63
Pickett 61
Lambert 58
Cotchin, Rioli 47
Bolton 46